Saturday, March 16, 2024 Sunny
The sun is shining today, but my heart is shrouded in a haze. In the spring when I was seventeen years old, I met him–W, a boy who set off waves in my heart. He is not a great figure, but the unique temperament, such as the pure spring, such as the cold wind like cold, quietly penetrated into the scroll of my youth.
At that time we, although in the same school, but as separated by an invisible wall. I often in the corner of the playground silently watch, looking at his running figure, the heart is full of complex emotions. He looks lonely and arrogant on the outside, but in front of me, he shows a different kind of tenderness and smile.
Our emotions are like dewdrops in the morning sun, pure and crystalline, but also full of uncertain twists and turns. The pressure of the college entrance examination made us drift apart, and I chose to let go, but that deep love is like a shadow following closely. Looking back, those engraved memories are like yesterday all over again.
May 7, 2024 Tuesday Cloudy
Today, I accidentally received W’s WeChat friend application, and an inexplicable stirring surged in my heart. We were surprised to find each other in the same city, and were about to meet in the bustling downtown area. In the evening, we met in the hotel lobby, the long-lost sense of familiarity like a tidal wave. He still maintains that lean figure and introverted temperament, but the years have carved a faint trace on his face.
We talked about the past and the relationship that didn’t last. He confessed that at that time he had low self-esteem because of his poor grades, and mistakenly thought that I was affecting his studies, so he became indifferent to me. I, on the other hand, lost myself in the relationship. At that moment, I deeply felt my childishness and impulsiveness, why should I let go for such a simple reason.
That night, we spent a long time together in the car. I felt his warmth and breath, and an inexplicable emotion welled up in my heart. However, when I rejected his further intimacy, he held me tightly as if he was afraid I would leave him again. At that moment, I realized that the emotions between us were still complex and deep.
June 18, 2024 Tuesday Rain
The continuous drizzle was like my mood, heavy and difficult to release. My relationship with W became increasingly complicated. We obviously loved each other deeply, but we were unable to cross the invisible gap. Arguments and misunderstandings make our distance more and more distant, I often feel confused and helpless.
Today, we once again fell into the whirlpool of quarrels. Those hurtful words cut like a knife, causing us both pain. But I know that underneath the pain, we still love each other deeply.
I began to question our future. If we did come together, would we be able to cope with the complexity of this relationship? Would I be able to create a loving environment for my children? These questions continue to haunt me, making it difficult to find answers.
July 12, 2024 Friday Sunny
Although the sun is bright, it can’t shine into the gloom in my heart. My relationship with W has reached an impasse. We love each other deeply, but reality prevents us from being together. I know that we both need time to think calmly, to face the entanglement of this relationship.
Those wonderful memories are like an old movie that keeps replaying in my mind. But I know that they have become the past and cannot be recreated. Now I only hope that I can get out of the shadow of this relationship as soon as possible and find my own happiness again.
Youth is like a dream that leaves only regrets when you wake up. But I hope that in the future, I can bravely face my own choice, no longer regret for the past regret.